The difficulty in saying … “Sorry, I can’t” when you have a chronic illness

Before I was officially diagnosed, I often found myself cancelling plans because I wasn’t feeling well.

My friends would make the plans well in advance, and when the day came I would get overwhelmingly tired or be in extreme amount of pain.

When I was officially diagnosed, I was able to put a name to the days of not feeling my best. And well unfortunately, over the years I’ve lost a few friends. I won’t definitively say because of that issue, but I did over hear one say, “she never wants to go anywhere”. I was beyond hurt.

I’ve watched as friends drifted away because I couldn’t be apart of the festivities. It even carried over to my dating life which I discussed in a previous post.  Not too long ago, after cancelling two plans, I finally told a guy I was talking to why I had to cancel. I never heard from him again.

The unfortunate reality I found along the way of living life is that some people are just not going to understand. Whether it’s through friendships, dating, or family, some people just will not understand your journey and your struggles. For that reason, I had to part ways with those people who just didn’t understand “sorry, I can’t”.

Some days are difficult for me because I believe everyone should be caring and understanding like myself. For this reason, I have difficulty making new friends because I’m afraid someone is going to leave because I can’t live up to their expectations all the time. But what has found me some comfort and solace is those who have stayed along with me during my journey. The friend’s and family who check up on me, and are ready to hang out when I’m feeling my best. I appreciate them wholeheartedly.

I always tell people living with an autoimmune disease , don’t feel down on yourself for putting yourself first. The real people in your life will understand with the greatest amount of empathy your “sorry, I  can’t”.

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