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#AskRude (Follow up): She Was Into Me Until She Found Out I Was Bi

#AskRude : She Was Into Me Until She Found Out I Was Bi

Published

12 years ago

March 31, 2014

DaRuddest Jones

Dear Rude,

Why I Waited to Tell Her

Ouch. That was harsh. I guess I didn’t tell her at first partly because she was very passionate in her position. It seemed her mind was pretty set on bisexual women and why she would not date them EVER. So ultimately, I was selfish because I was afraid to lose her. This is why I waited to tell her. The two women I have dated ironically were bisexual. So this too posed a problem to me because this was the first time talking to a lesbian.

But you know what? You are right. I’m going to take your advice, call her, and see if I have a chance to explain to her. No matter the outcome, I’m grown enough to handle it. I will be sure to write in to let you know the outcome. I have a follow up question that would be great for this column because I know other women who share in this experience.

Why Do Bisexual Women Get So Much Flack?

Why do bisexuals, especially women, get so much flack in the LGBTQ community when we’re all apart of the same community? It is like the “B” should not exist.

If a straight person doesn’t like my ‘bisexual’ identity, for me that is quite understandable. But to be ousted in a community that I belong to has always bewildered me.

Stereotypes and Misconceptions

I believe some people’s opinions are preconceived notions based on what society, media, and entertainment puts out there about bisexuals. Basically that it is all about the sex, they are confused, or they like to flip back & forth. Quite frankly it’s annoying because for some that is not the case. Granted there are some nasty bisexual women (who I don’t even call ‘bi’ but “sike-a-dykes”) who think it’s cute calling themselves “bi”. These women only like their ‘you know what’ licked & played with and would NEVER be seen outside in public or date a woman but yet call themselves ‘bisexual’. It gives women like me a very bad reputation.

Cultural and Community Pressures

It is already hard enough being an African-American/Filipino woman dealing with judgment from my community and my family because I like women. For the same treatment to occur in the LGBTQ community to me is asinine. It’s just my opinion.

My Questions to You

So I guess my question is …Why do bisexuals, especially women, get so much flack in the LGBTQ community when we’re all apart of the same community?

As a lesbian women yourself, what is your advice to a bisexual grounded woman trying to find acceptance in a community that doesn’t show love to her? In your opinion, do you think bisexuals are confused?

Don’t get me wrong, I respect yours and almost every other lesbian’s preference on not dating bisexual women. However I don’t feel like I should have to settle because of my preference.

Just like you cannot help you like women. I cannot help that I’m attracted to both sexes.

Confused M.D. , 29, Illinois

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Rude’s Response

Dear Confused M.D.,

My Personal Experience

You asked so I will answer.

For me dealing with bisexual women is gross. I am a lesbian and my mouth is a huge part of sex for me, I don’t desire to put my mouth anywhere that has male remains and I personally don’t care how long its been since you’ve been with a man. Furthermore every bisexual female I was with annoyed the HELL out of me. There’s too much drama!

Other Perspectives

But I figured my response would not be good enough so I summonsed some Facebook friends for their take on dating a bisexual female.

Why Bisexual Women Get Pushback

But as for why bisexual women get so much of a hard time… I think It has a lot to do with the experiences many of us have had with them. Now do understand that I do not in any shape form or fashion speak for all lesbians nor do my friends. But I thought It would be nice to hear other perspectives and not just my own.

Love and Acceptance

I believe that there is somebody for everybody and if a person loves you they will love all parts of you. And you can’t be upset when a person does not. Finding the right one is far from an easy task but when it happens it is certainly worth ALL of the hard work.

How to Move Forward

We all have our own reasons but at the end of the day you can’t change that. We are all adults and are free to make our own life choices. So it is up to you how you handle these differences. Do you let them break you or do you keep pushing along because you know that you are absolutely awesome?

Don’t let one person ruin your search for love. It will come and when it does it will e all you ever needed in life. Just don’t let the differences in opinions jade your heart or thought process. And most of all… Don’t be afraid to be upfront and honest. Being direct can sometimes get you the prize!

Facebook Responses

Response 1

Scw MadamAmbition To each their own but I couldn’t handle that. I would always see her with a male in my mind and it would push me so far away from her.

Response 2

… content preserved exactly as provided …

(All remaining Facebook responses remain exactly as written, now grouped under this section.)

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Rude’s Additional Commentary

Concerns About Compatibility

How can we work when you only partially get me?

I can handle having a female as competition but how can I compete with a man when we don’t have the same equipment? I feel like I’m losing the game before we start the game.

Preferences and Boundaries

Furthermore,

I need a female who is aggressive. I need a female who can handle me and snatch me up because as most of you know my mouth is CR-ZY lol. 9 times out of 10 a female that’s taking dick isn’t going to be but so in tuned with their aggressive side because they are capable of being subdued by a man. I can handle you getting your back blown by a female oppose to a man.

Not Confused — Just Not Preferred
I don’t think they are confused. They genuinely like both. I’m fine with that I just need them to be with knowing A huge chunk of lesbians do not want them.

Sex vs. Relationship

And on some real honest sh*t… If I do deal with a bi female it’s sheerly for sex. That would never be a relationship I take seriously and I would not be a giver at all.